


I'll Find You

by i_heart_danchou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 09:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20189896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_heart_danchou/pseuds/i_heart_danchou
Summary: “I won’t let you down.”  Levi promised, somehow, somehow managing to keep the agony off of his face.  I’ll find you again, Erwin.  In this life, in the next life, I’ll find you again.





	I'll Find You

**Author's Note:**

> So this is from eruri week from 2013, prompt reincarnation! I'm going to try and do a prompt a week until I get sick of it (except for eruri week which will have a prompt a day).

In the underground, most people were raised without religion. How could anyone believe in anything divine, any sort of greater power when they were all trapped in a dank, rotten world without sunlight? The air Levi breathed was thick and acrid, there was never a moment in his life where anything felt clean or good.   
  
Kuchel tried her best to make things gleam for her little boy. The world was hard, of course, but there was good in it if you knew where to look. He remembered snuggling up to his mother at night, their sheets damp from sweat and the cum of strangers, her soft lips pressing up against his hair.   
  
“Above ground Levi, there is a beautiful, brilliant sky. At night it gets dark, darker than here sometimes even… and on a clear night you can see the stars.”  
  
Levi’s eyes were sparkling. “Stars?”  
  
“Yes, love. Stars are… well, no one knows what they’re made out of, honey. But… before my mother died she told me a story about the stars.” Kuchel stroked Levi’s back and he felt really warm and safe. “When a good person dies, their soul floats up to the sky and becomes a star. They watch us from above and keep an eye on us… and one day, if the person was very, very good, that soul can be born again in a better life.”  
  
Levi’s brows furrowed, deep in thought. “Mama?”  
  
“Yes baby?”  
  
“If… they come back as a new life… how can you know it’s them? Like if…” His voice wavered as he considered it. “If you died, how would I find you again?”  
  
Kuchel squeezed him tight, and Levi could tell she was trying to suppress a cough. “You’ll know, lovie. You’ll know. And they’ll recognize you too— they’ll have to. They crossed a whole world to get back to you, they’ll know you.”   
  
He screwed his eyes shut and nodded. Kuchel had always, always struggled to provide for her son, but she had given him an invaluable gift… namely, the ability to see beauty in the world, despite the horrors that surrounded them.  
  
**  
  
Levi was pragmatic and hardened. As he grew up the world got colder and darker, and he saw more and more evil as he aged. He didn’t believe in souls, or reincarnation… not really. His eyes were cold and dark as he grew accustomed to death. He wondered sometimes if it was easier to believe that his friends and family were just… gone, rather than clinging to a childish hope that they might come back one day.   
  
Hope had done nothing for Levi. Hope had crushed him and made him weak, and he knew better than to harbor such foolish notions.   
  
To some degree Erwin changed that for him. In Erwin Levi found the prospect of a gleaming future, a world without titans, a free humanity, where every man, woman and child had sunlight and clean air to breathe.   
  
Erwin was Levi’s hope, he was a glimmering beacon of all that he valued and treasured. Pride, ruthlessness, intelligence, devotion, cleanliness, power, talent. Erwin made Levi believe in things, made him hope for things, made him feel like a person and not just… an amalgam of violence and brute strength.   
  
They lay in bed together one night, Levi tucked up against Erwin’s chest with his big muscular arm wrapped around him. Only just been reunited after the coup, and Erwin was still a little shaken up. Eren was safe, at least, and they had some time to regroup and figure out what to do next. Levi had been shocked to see the extent of Erwin’s injuries, and could only imagine the evils that the MP had subjected his commander to during his arrest.   
  
Erwin was unusually quiet and Levi’s brows furrowed. “Erwin?” He said quietly, not wanting to wake the man up if he’d fallen asleep.  
  
“Mm?” His voice was a low rumble, and Levi could hear a whisper of emotion threatening to emerge from his throat. He was struggling.  
  
“When you were a brat, what did you think happened when people died? What were you told?”  
  
Erwin laughed, he hadn’t been expecting the question. He squeezed Levi close and kissed the top of his head. “Hm. Well I had to attend some religious studies at school but I thought it was all nonsense. Praying to the walls, some sort of salvation through worshiping stone.” He shrugged. “My father… well he never bought into any of that stuff, I must have picked up on his skepticism.” He smiled like he usually did when he thought of his father. “He told me about…. well this afterlife, you know? Your soul leaves your body and goes to a beautiful place, where you can be with your loved ones again forever and ever.” His face was wistful.   
  
“Do you believe that?” Levi was watching Erwin’s face carefully.  
  
“If there is such a place, Levi, I’m not going there when I die.” He chuckled. “A bastard like me’s going straight to hell to pay for my crimes in this life. You know, fire, brimstone, probably titans eating my skin off piece by piece.” His beautiful blue eyes were stormy and dark.   
  
Levi didn’t believe for a second that Erwin was going to hell, but he knew better than to argue. “I dunno, Erwin. We already pretty much live in hell… how much fucking worse could it get?”  
  
Erwin swallowed and there was something like pain in his face. “What about you, Levi? What were you taught when you were little?”  
  
“My mother said that when you die, your soul becomes a star.” He wondered if Erwin thought if he was stupid, sometimes. He felt stupid compared to Erwin. “That… if the person was good they would be reborn in a better life.” He looked at Erwin, who was listening intently. “That… that person would know you if they found you again.” Levi looked away, feeling embarrassed. He had never said it out loud before, and he knew how naive it sounded. “I don’t believe that.” He clarified. “But the first time I saw stars… I guess I wondered if my mother was up there.”   
  
Erwin smiled warmly at him and drew him up for a kiss. “What a beautiful idea.” Erwin’s skin was soft and warm, and Levi shut his eyes.   
  
If only.  
  
**  
  
When he was a child, Levi had looked for his mother after she’d died. He looked at babies, he looked at cats, he looked a mice in the gutter and tried to make eye contact. His mother would know him, she’d said. His mother would find him.   
  
He stopped looking as he grew up, the pain of loneliness and abandonment making such notions seem absurd.   
  
Isobel and Farlan died, and he didn’t look for them. Petra, Gunther, Eld, and Oluo had died, and he hadn’t looked for them either. Mike, Gelgar, Nanaba, Nifa, Kenny… one by one the people he loved fell and he stayed cold, hard, and strong. There was no such thing as a soul, there was no such thing as reincarnation.   
  
Blood and stones rained around him, and Levi locked eyes with Erwin. His commander was going to lead a suicide charge, and Levi was going to take down the beast titan. They would never see each other again, and Levi was stony and determined.   
  
The troops mounted their horses, many of them still crying and shaking, and Erwin moved to the front of the pack. He looked down at Levi and touched his shoulder. “Good luck.” He said, and Levi put his hand on top of Erwin’s.   
  
“I won’t let you down.” He promised, somehow, somehow managing to keep the agony off of his face. _ I’ll find you again. In this life, in the next life, I’ll find you again._  
  
They didn’t kiss and Levi tried not to look back. He had a promise to keep, and his resolve would waver if he watched Erwin fall. He wanted to die together, he wanted to leave this hell with Erwin. He wanted to watch his soul depart, to follow it— to heaven, to hell, to eternity, and stand beside it for the rest of time.   
  
Stones rained down and men and women screamed. He tore his eyes away from the white horse spinning on the earth; he couldn’t afford to get sentimental now.   
  
_I’ll find you again, Erwin. I promise, I promise. _  
  
**  
  
He didn’t kill the beast titan. He didn’t give Erwin the injection. He stood beside his commander and watched him breathe his last, wondering, wondering if souls were real. Was Erwin being tortured by demons now? Was he with his father again? Was he… nothing? An idea, a memory, a prayer? Or was he a star, hidden by the sun, watching over Levi and waiting, waiting, waiting for a chance to be born again?  
  
That idea kept Levi going on some level. He didn’t want Erwin to come back, not yet. The world wasn’t good enough for him. He hadn’t escaped from hell only to be drawn right back to it.   
  
Still… there was a part of Levi that always kept an eye out. For a little blond boy with sparkling eyes, a golden gleaming soul with beautiful dreams of the future. He imagined Erwin being born into Marley, maybe from a rich family with a good background… maybe he’d have a mansion, an estate in the country, maybe he’d eat like a king every day, never worry about anything. Or maybe he was a bird; a golden eagle that soared overhead and watched humanity struggle from above.   
  
But he never saw a creature he recognized as Erwin. At the back of his mind he knew it was foolish, idiotic even… but… Erwin had been his hope, and it was very hard to extinguish a part of his soul which shone so brightly now.   
  
He stepped foot on Marley for the first time after Eren attacked it, his silver eyes narrowing as he saw the blood squelching out from beneath the stones. This world wasn’t good enough for Erwin.   
  
On some level, Levi was glad his commander wasn’t here to see this.  
  
**  
  
Levi wasn’t able to kill the beast titan, even in the end. He was injured, he survived, and he wasn’t able to help in those last critical moments. Eren fought and screamed and Levi kept a distance. He was broken and damaged and there was no point in fighting any longer. He wondered if Erwin was watching. He wondered if he was disappointed.   
  
Levi grew old and watched the rest of the people he cared about pass away one by one. Violence, illness, age… little by little Levi’s world grew smaller, and he wondered if it was all a punishment for not keeping his promise.   
  
He retired to a tiny cabin in the mountains and stopped taking visitors, hoping for relief from this miserable empty life.   
  
He died alone one winter, after a bad fever took hold and seized his mind. His last thoughts were of Erwin, and the last thing he saw in his mind was that warm, sweet smile.   
  
_I’ll find you, Erwin. _ He found himself thinking. _ In this life, or the next… I’ll find you._  
  
**  
Levi pulled off his apron and started wiping down the counters. His tea shop was becoming a little more successful now that some buzzfeed article had done a feature on cool venues in the area, and there was a little more business than he was accustomed to now. It wasn’t a problem, but it was a little tiring.  
  
He pulled on his jacket and frowned as he saw the rain just starting to hit the ground outside. Ugh, fucking great, thanks for lying about the weather forecast, google. He pulled up his hood and locked up, shoving his hands in his pockets and preparing for the short walk back to his apartment.   
  
It was strange and foreign to have something like success and stability in his life, but even with good things happening to him Levi still felt like something was missing. He put his headphones in and stepped out into the street, only to be roughly pulled back by the large hands of a stranger.   
  
A car whizzed past, honking angrily and sending a wave of puddle water up onto the curb which soaked Levi’s shoes.   
  
“Jesus! You could have been killed!”   
  
Levi’s head whipped around, glaring and furious for being grabbed so roughly, embarrassed that he’d had his head in the clouds, annoyed that the fucking car had honked at him too— who the fuck did this guy think—  
  
His eyes widened as he saw him. Blond, beautiful, shining blue eyes that sang of the ocean. Erwin. It was Erwin.   
  
In an instant it all came back— a world of titans, of bloodshed, of fear and chaos and— Erwin. Jesus. Holy fucking shit Erwin, Erwin!  
  
The man— Erwin, obviously, was looking as perplexed and mystified as Levi felt. His eyes were wide, he was shaking. “Levi.” He breathed. “Levi. Oh my god.”   
  
He was in Erwin’s arms all of a sudden, and they were hugging, kissing, touching each other, grabbing and panicking, unable to believe this was real.   
  
There were tears in his eyes and he didn’t care. It was Erwin, it was Erwin, and he knew him.   
  
Kuchel’s words echoed at the back of his mind… _You’ll know, lovie. You’ll know. And they’ll recognize you too— they’ll have to. They crossed a whole world to get back to you, they’ll know you._  
  
Maybe he hadn’t been able to kill the beast titan, but at least Levi had been able to keep this promise. That he’d find him, that they’d be reunited… in this life, or the next, he’d always, always find Erwin.  
  
They were lost in each other and Levi smiled. “Hey.” He said, a laugh of joy threatening to escape him. “S’been a while. You… wanna grab a coffee or something?”  
  
Erwin was equally affected, and he nodded dumbly. “Yeah. I’d like that.”   
  
Levi threaded his fingers with Erwin and they walked, grinning, stupid happy, their cheeks red and their hearts light. A lifetime and a universe apart, and they had found each other.   
  
This was a universe worthy of Erwin Smith, and now, at last, they had all the time in the world to enjoy it. 


End file.
